Is expressing yourself as a Homosexual a death sentence?
Categories: community
Written By: mlamli
My name is Mlamli Gadi. I live in a township near Cape Town which is called Nyanga. I am a grade 11 student in the Centre Of Science And Technology (COSAT).
I live with my mother and her brothers. I don’t have a sister or a brother.
I am going to tell you about homosexuality in my community because I feel it needs to be addressed because there are bad things happening to the people who are homosexual. How people in my community feel about homosexuality and what kind of emotions they show to people who are homosexual, is becoming a big problem.
In my community people are devastated. They say that it slowly becomes a disease because most of the teenagers of the same sex are being attracted to each other. In my community more girls are being homosexual than the boys. In my street only I already know of six girls that are homosexual. And I would say in the rest of my community I know of 50 people who are homosexual. There are a few gays and many lesbians in my community. Most of these people who are homosexual are not able to tell their parents about how they feel or that they are attracted to the same sex, so they do not express themselves fully because they are afraid of what people may do to them and what their families might think. In my culture, the Xhosa culture people are not suppose to be in love with the same sex, because that causes disgrace to the family and the culture. But that is no longer happening because South Africa is a free country so people are doing what ever they want to do. People no longer follow the Xhosa culture because they are westernised and as a result, the Xhosa culture is slowly disappearing. The country is developing and the people are changing.
What I have found out from most of the people who are homosexual is that they do this because they are not feeling good enough in a woman’s body. They feel like they were born in a body that does not suit them. Some are doing this because it’s become a fashion and others do it because their friends are doing it and pressurize them. I also know of a girl who feels that boys do not like her, so she became homosexual. There also are some people who feel like being homosexual is their natural way of being.
The people are not happy about what is happening in the community. Some of the homosexuals are being killed, others being raped and beaten because of what they are. This people do not feel as part of the community because people do not except the fact that they are homosexual.
I think homosexuals should be allowed to believe in whatever they want to believe. Their right of expression should not be taken away from them!!
May 4th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Mlamli,
Thank you for your candid and sensitive discussion of this very difficult and painful issue. Sharing stories openly and honestly is one of the powerful ways to overcome the causes of violence. We have opened a center in Khayelitsha (eKhaya eKasi) and hope that in some way we will be able to collaborate with the students of COSAT.
Peace
Tom Harding
May 12th, 2009 at 6:09 am
Much like in the Xhosa culture, my culture has also traditionally not accepted homosexuality and only in recent years has that started to change (I am Afrikaans). My youngest brother is gay. Some people in our family found that hard to accept, others found it easier! Because of my brother, I have become much more aware of how difficult life can be for gay people. At the moment he lives in a small “plattelands” town where he would probably be rejected by many people if they knew he was gay.
Your blog is very interesting to me because you mention reasons for “being gay” that I have not thought of before, for example the girl who thought that boys did not like her! I realise now that there can be many social reasons (as well as perhaps biological reasons) why people may choose to be gay or lesbian. I always assumed people were simply born inclined that way.
By the way, I think you must be a skilled interviewer for people to have trusted you enough to share their views on sexuality with you the way they have.
May 12th, 2009 at 7:34 am
mlamli brur what u say is so true! people don’t want 2 accept the fact that our worlds are changing so are we! we have 2 stop being so stereo typed and narow minded and start to accept what is happening to our youth… this topic is so touching and most people avoid it and blame witchcraft which it isn’t true. it is caused by genes in their bodies
steve
makhaza
May 13th, 2009 at 3:29 am
Thank you for reading the storie and Tom i would really like to have a relationship with the people of (ekhaya ekasi).THANK YOU
May 13th, 2009 at 8:05 am
Hi Mlamli / Everyone
I was directed to your post by Frerieke and I am so glad that she did
that because I was deeply touched by what you wrote there.
Our country is so rich with different cultures and we are all
constantly trying to understand where we fit in. I would like to share
my opinion with you and hope that you will share more of yours on
platforms like this because I think it is wonderful that we can all
learn from each other.
I think one of the most important things ANY person can do is what you
have just done and that is share their thoughts and opinions.
I had no idea that these are the kinds of thoughts young people in
communities such as yours had about being gay/lesbian.
I would like to share a few ideas with you and again – these are just
my ideas and no offense is meant to anyone.
Firstly – what does it mean to be a homosexual? This is a very
difficult question to answer because people are still very shy to talk
about sex and sexual desire. One thing that we can safely say is that
it is not a simple answer. Children and teenagers go through many
different phases in their sexual development. Boys and girls are quite
vastly different in their development too. Different studies have
shown that many (though not all) children (both male and female) at
some point feel a sexual attraction to members of the same sex. Does
this mean that that person will be a homosexual? Absolutely not! It is
a natural process whereby the child/ teenager learns to identify with
a particular group or person. It is because there is such a stigma
around homosexuality that children/teenagers do not feel safe about
talking about their feelings. This means that the person then starts
to think that there is “something wrong” with them because they think
that they are the only ones who have these feelings. Many people “grow
out of it” and a (small) minority do not. They become confused and
feel ashamed. This can so easily be avoided if someone could just talk
to them about it.
What if that person really is a homosexual? Homosexuality has been
recorded in almost every culture as far back as we can trace. It
occurs in nature and it is constant. The only aspect of homosexuality
that has changed in humans is the way it is regarded, culturally. It
is not a disease and it is not contagious. You cannot make someone a
homosexual. People also do not understand that there are MANY more
gender/sexuality related issues that do not have anything to do with
being homosexual.
For example:
You wrote – “What I have found out from most of the people who are
homosexual is that they do this because they are not feeling good
enough in a woman’s body. They feel like they were born in a body that
does not suit them.” Did you know that these women / men may not
actually be homosexual? Being a particular gender and feeling that you
were born in the wrong gender is not necessarily the same as being a
homosexual.
Homosexual men do not want to be women and homosexual women do not
want to be men. Being a man and wanting to be a woman (or vice versa)
is a completely different issue altogether. All the more reason why
all these people should have someone to talk to openly.
Let’s try and define things for a discussion and maybe we can define
them in the following way. See if you agree with me?
Sex (as in the genitals you were born with): This is loosely defined
as male or female.
Remember though that there are people who are (due to genetics) born
with BOTH sex organs. They had no choice in that. Where do they fit
in? These people are sometimes known as hermaphrodites. This is where
people get the word “moffie” from and you can see how that word is
(aside from being discriminitory and derogatory) is used incorrectly.
Gender: The gender role you choose to “perform” (ie. If you are a man
do you dress in mens)
Sexuality: The sex and gender you are sexually attracted to.
You see – we need to be able to account for ALL people and ALL their
various preferences / choices / genes. If we do not include everyone
in our discussions, how can we ever hope to understand and protect
them.
We are in a very mixed period at the moment. In some parts of the
world it is ok to be gay and in other parts of the world you will be
imprisoned for it. What I would love to see happen in our young
democracy is a space where all people of all races can come together
and share their views, safely.
Megan Badenhorst,
Johannesburg
May 16th, 2009 at 7:58 am
I want to thank you all for reading my storie and Megan i think that you also opened my eyes to things that i did not see.But that is the way that things happen in my community.I truly believe that working togther we can do more.THANK YOU……….